Late rain

Late rain late read. Cooing and chirping. Constant humming vibrato of insects. Florida late night. Peaceful. Soothing. Thank you.

one day at a time

confidence.  looking at yourself from the outside. judgement. being someone you're not because you're afraid of how others will perceive you and make judgement from a formed idea or thought about you. does that mean you're hiding ? playing chameleon or trying to be camouflaged? because you don't really want people to know who you are unless you know who they are. therefore you close up like a clam or are awkward socially. not as outgoing as you could be. your nature is outgoing but you definitely have an inclination to come off as closed or introverted. hmm.. what is it that scares you about getting to know other people... ohhh.. you dont like explaining or "selling" yourself because you are insecure about where you are in ways of your accomplishments. you dont feel you have accomplished what you've wanted to and have anxiety or feel discouraged about it. so... whatever.. spend more time with yourself. do more for yourself. hang out with people less. so then when you do hang out with people or socialize you actually have something to talk about ... so is that what it is? you get insecure when you feel like you dont have anything to talk about because you haven't accomplished some major goal. get on it. stop being lazy.

Them

Sometimes I think back and I feel like I've been sad a really long time. In a way I can't remember a time I wasn't. There used to be a light that shone so bright out of me. Its been gone for a very long time. Then one of the brightest people in my life committed suicide. I lost all hope after that. I kept going to be strong to be there for people I loved who also loved her. Then I met you. I have never loved someone as much as I love you. Now with bad thoughts I've never felt so dead and lost. The light that once was 9-10 years ago is barely an ember. I'll feel this way for a very long time. I don't know if I can pull myself out of feeling this way. Everything just feels so heavy. All it was to you was just a nice time. To me it was a lifetime of the deepest love I've ever felt. That's what I get though. When I finally fall in love...it doesn't matter. Left to wolves and fireflies. I'm not guilty but I get stabbed to death.

Rumbling

Counteractive  and unquenchable. The humidity and chirping of birds roll off me like steam that comes up from hot pavement.

commencer

so this is where it starts. that point where you're frantically looking around for help or any form of distraction out of desperation. you feel yourself being sucked into a black hole everyday. sometimes you get lucky and get distracted for a few hours but then it finds you chases you looms over you. or perhaps it feels like being trapped by quicksand everyday.. and in fact even when you're sleeping. When you wake, you go over all your dreams realizing what they were -all- about, then you struggle to get out of bed bc you just want to lie there all day and not blink or say a word or just cry rubbing your snot into the sheets with your arm lifelessly hanging off the side of the bed. wallow is a good word. after reliving all the memories and pain and heartbreak for about five to 30 minutes you get out of bed reluctantly.  i can't stop. not this time. i'm stuck because i absolutely loved everything about him... all of it. all of him. it doesn't matter though because the moment is gone. and now i'm here wanting to turn a page back or press the rewind button. too bad that's not how it works. and the tears.. you'd think after a certain amount of crying things would feel better, get better. but apparently it doesn't work that way either. it's still really fresh. within the first two weeks i cried often and puked a few times from upset.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/12-ways-mend-broken-heart